This morning I walked over to Daybreak Church of Marketing and Graphic Design in Hudsonville, Michigan, because they invited porn star Ron Jeremy to endure scrutiny and judgmental looks from parishioners. I really went because I wanted to get my picture with him, but he was busy doing a press conference for the local stations after the first service. I ran into a couple other people who also came only for an autograph or picture, and we were told by a church employee that we should wait for him up at the front left of the church where he’d be happy to oblige his fans.

Heaven is For Real for Kids is an amazing first-hand account of the reality of heaven filled with more truth than you’ll find in any science textbook. It is a fitting addition to any home-school parent’s arsenal, as it is a first person account of truth, more real than any theory so-called scientists have ever made up by digging around in the dirt. I believe this book is inappropriately labeled a children’s book when it should fall squarely under nonfiction, in the TRUTH section.

When I saw a billboard advertising that the author of the book, Heaven is For Real, Todd Burpo, was coming to town, I knew I had to go. What luck! He preached today at the local party church, Daybreak, and it was every bit as absurd as I hoped it would be.Sounds legit I wanted to read the book first, but I’m on the library waiting list behind 42 other people.

I finally got my hands on the board game, Intelligent Design vs. Evolution! I bought it as a gag gift for my brother a few years ago but the ungrateful little prick never actually got around to doing anything with it.Slightly more fun than an aneurysm I’m positively giddy with anticipation! This game is going to be unbelievably fun. To start off, I noticed that the box included a DVD called The Science of Evolution.

As I was driving home today I got passed by the Jesus Mobile. I like the stance. It’s got kind of a Kung Fu or Jew-Jitsu aspect to it, like he’s ready for action and about to start smiting. Or, as my brother put it, looking like he just shoved somebody onto the subway tracks. I hope to see this thing in ArtPrize next year. It’s way better than this year’s first place Hover-Jesus.

It’s hard not to get a little cynical about the annual ArtPrize competition in Grand Rapids. The event name itself gives me a twinge of agony every time I consider it. ArtPrize. It cuts right to the point in an almost patronizing way. In case we find ourselves walking around downtown and forget why we’re seeing all sorts of art, it’s because there’s a prize involved. It’s like the teacher trying to dumb down a concept for the lowest common denominator in class.

I previously gave the Most Depressing Movie award to The Wrestler, but I just got done watching Black Death, and god damn, was that sad. I guess having a name like Black Death should have been enough of a warning. It was set in the plague of the 1300s, but it wasn’t as fun as Monty Python would have us believe. Lots of people were dying and rotting everywhere and there wasn’t a single “not dead yet” in the bunch.

What I thought was garbage on my doorstep was actually Scientology propaganda cleverly disguised as garbage. It was a free personality survey called the Oxford Capacity Analysis, a name which has no affiliation whatsoever with the real University of Oxford and is full of such insightful gems as “Do you speak slowly?” and “Do you sleep well?” It’s meant to make you feel like a horrible person because Scientology can help with that.

I was perusing Netflix today, and much to my delight, they had _Left Behind II: Tribulation Force_ on demand. This must be another sign of the apocalypse, and I couldn’t be happier. I managed to watch the whole thing! If you’re into the whole Christian snuff film genre, where there’s only two classes of people, nihilists and Christians, where curse words don’t exist, where the women are kept around only for encouraging and seducing men, one in which you’re sure to leave as a convert, praise Jesus, then you’re going to love this box office hit.

We were in San Francisco the day of the Pride Parade but I’m sorry to say we missed the main events. With New York finally coming on board with their adoption of a same sex marriage bill, there was plenty to celebrate and it was supposed to have been awesome. California is still suffering the setback caused by some overzealous Mormons with deep pockets, but Proposition 8 is bound to come down.